Holy Shit, Turkeys!

I'm gonna make this short because I have been distracted recently by the birth of my newest niece. That guy up above, as you probably know, is a Turkey. Despite being thoroughly American, he's named after Turkey the country. The reasoning behind this is that it sounds exotic, and the European explorers who found him may have still been under the impression that America was part of Asia.

Strangely enough, many other languages use country names for the turkey as well. In actual Turkey, they call it a "Hindi," suggesting that it's from India. That's surprisingly common. France, Ukraine, Poland, Russia, and several other countries also call it some variation of "India." In actual India, they call it a Peru.

In Cambodia, they call it a French Chicken. In Arabic, it's called either a Roman Chicken or an Ethiopian Chicken. In Malaysia, it's a Dutch Chicken.

Bottom line: Turkeys are weird, people's names for Turkeys are weirder, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Holy Shit, Dad Joke Comics!

I made another thing! It's called Dad Joke Comics! You probably won't laugh, but you will roll your eyes and groan and say "Who does this guy think he is?"

My design philosophy for the site could be summed up as, "Dad, please get off the Internet."

Anyway. Back to your regularly scheduled shit.

Holy Shit, I'm A Father!

No post this week on account of I am now responsible for a tiny human life.

Holy Wombat Shit!

I'm going to make this exceptionally brief, for brevity is the soul of not-feeling-like-taking-the-effort-to-write-out-a-whole-blog-post-right-this-secondness. This is a wombat.

Yes you are, you cute little marsupial!

Yes. He is the cutest little doofus you can imagine. Now, here's his poo:

The logical next step.

It's square. It is a square poo. Wombats poop squares.

Why? Because the distinct shape helps to mark their territory, like a building block.

And it helps them identify potential mates, like that video you found in your uncle's special box when your parents weren't looking.

So, to recap: Wombats are adorable, but they're into square scat porn.

Holy cubic Shit.

Holy Shit, An Off Week!

I hope you'll forgive me for taking a week off, but I've been dealing with this:

Which smells like SHIT.

 Which led to this:

The bags plug up a shit hole. Literally. Toilet is in the family room. Home ownership, right?

And also (eventually) this:

No more mold but...you know...there used to be a floor here. And a laundry room.

But that's not even the best part. Wanna know the kicker? All of this miserable impromptu renovation can be traced back to a single, tiny spot. This asshole:

A pin prick on a half-inch segment of copper tube.

That's why I'm not researching anything this week. Because apparently, that little thirty-pixel dot (and yes, I checked) is all it takes to ruin your week. Or more.

Holy shit.

Happy Pi Day!

I'll make this quick.

Congratulations. You now know what Pi is.

Holy shit. That's way easier than it sounds.

Holy Shit, The Most Astounding Fact!

I'm just going to let Neil deGrasse Tyson take this one, because I'm lazy and he puts it more eloquently than I could ever hope to.

Holy shit.

Holy Shit, Bioluminescence

Am I crazy, or is it ridiculous that we take things like bioluminescence for granted? That is to say, "Holy shit, living things create light."

Take fireflies, for example. Just look at this picture:

I don't see your ass glowing

Dozens of insects are flying around a forest there, looking for a mate based on which one glows in the dark the best. Just read that sentence a few times to yourself, and keep looking at the damn picture. It frustrates me that everyone in the world doesn't freak the hell out and shout gleefully about the fact that these insects exist, and they're not especially rare.

They're not even alone. They're one of many species that can produce cold light because of a chemical reaction that occurs in their bodies. Since this topic leaves me completely awed and dumbfounded, let me just spend the rest of my time sharing some ridiculous living light with you:

This is glowing fungus, and you're awake and reading this true fact.

I don't want to alarm you, but this is a deep sea fish with a natural goddamn flashlight attached to his face.

That's a wave. Some algae is making it glow. In real life.

So can we all please agree that bioluminescence is eerie, beautiful, and weird as hell? Because look at those pictures.

Holy shit.

Holy Shit, We're Alive!

How come the world isn't ending?

Because Mayans didn't have the clairvoyance to predict the end times.

And because even if they did have the power, they didn't use it to predict the end of the world. Just the end of the calendar. Kind of like how the end of our calendar is coming up in a week and a half. On neither occasion is the world going to end.

Just thought we should all be aware.